Reflexions
By Elizabeth Marie Albert on Saturday, August 21, 2010 at 6:05pm
On September 3, 2009 my husband of 39 years passed away. I have been trying to understand this event and its greater meaning in my life.
To say this is a profound loss says nothing at all, for how does one say goodbye to someone they loved for so long? It is said that the first year is the hardest; well I pray that is true because another year like this would not be optimal. I learned to question everything I said and did over the long years of our marriage, felt anger, sadness, bitterness, and I don’t want to say anything about how useless I have felt. I suppose when your mate dies in your arms it should shake you, remake you, break you, but I feel so tired of the pain. Am I unkind or disrespectful to his memory because I don’t want to hurt anymore? I hope you all know me well enough to say for certain that I am not an unkind person or a selfish one either, but maybe I am because I want to be able to breathe without this pain in my heart, to dream of love and find it again.

Burt told me for years that when he died I should find a really nice man because I deserved to be happy…I thought he was joking because I thought we would die on the same day at the age of 100…point being who thinks about the after…the now is what we have. So my friends, some of you I have met and some I haven’t but who knows maybe someday I will, this is my daily struggle, I try to be worthy of this gift of life, to be a positive force in the lives of all I meet, (cyber or otherwise) and never to forget the blessings I still have in my life. I have had dark nights and dark days and some of you have shone a light into my heart and brought me back to the journey toward life, for this I am grateful, each of you who receives this note has awakened some part of me over the year past year and I will never be able to thank you all enough.

So I close now with a grateful heart and renewed faith in the possibilities of life, and for all of you, my better angels, I wish you love and light, blessings and joy as we continue on together until we become remembered and missed ourselves.